“It is the process that we should feel, and not those shitty moments“.
Several years ago, my best friend decided to go and run an intellectual-property-monopoly based capitalist biz. Two years passed before I realized what was actually going on. Once I did, that was it, he was no longer my friend. And all our magic – it was gone. All our years spent together – gone, as well. All the music we shared. All the silent moments of complete mutual understanding. Gone! The only times I see him now, is on my radar. Blinking red. With other enemies to my “intellectual property” fight.
I do not give a fuck why he did that. The point is that the motherfucker actually did it. Our freedom to make choices and our ability to make that choice for the good of this world we all share, is no one else’s but our own. “I can not teach you to see, if you do not have the eyes to see.” (Think capacity) And with this knowledge, of this ability, comes responsibility. In that ability to be conscious about personal decisions, and the impact they have on the world we all share.
My friend declared himself to be a person who values what is open, for more than a decade, who is one of us – never ready to compromise integrity and/or identity. Ready to stay in this fight until it is finished. He betrayed us. Over night, he decided to build a fucktard company, and to become a part of that same group of people he criticized himself, over the past years. I should have seen that coming. After all, we were kids when we started our fight for freedom, and our standing up for integrity. I took that seriously. He didn’t.
How disappointing, huh? Not really. It’s only life. And as naive as this will sound to some, I think there is more to it than naivety. And that those who see it as naive, actually lack courage.
The divide between me and my friend happened several months ago. I had to go through some other personal shit in that moment, apart from this one. In result, it took me a lot of time, energy and good will to process it all. Scars were inevitable. I am not telling this as fiction, I am explaining real life, which makes it all so much more important, for me. I need to digest what happened, and make use of it. It is important for me that my environment sees clearly who the fuck am I. Moreover, and this is the most important thing for me than anything else in the world, I need to keep my balance and my peace, at all times.
When it comes to personal freedom as well as collaboration with others (by collaboration I mean; cohabitation, friendship, exchange of goods, and emotional cohabitation), I do not make compromises, and neither should you. No one, and no thing gives us the right to tolerate intrusion or manipulation of our personal freedoms, of our dreams and our visions.
Today, I can see another one of my extremely close friends, giving up on his personal dreams and his personal freedoms. There is no use of me interfering there. He has chosen, or he is soon to choose, another path. The fact is that, today, we are leaving out the other’s dream and vision from our own (in the past we were brothers, we shared our visions, shared our dreams. On paper only, it seems, without anything real to feel it). Another story ended. That’s life, too.
On the one hand, my life includes stories that end, and on the other hand, that same shitty life gives me as much friends back as I have “lost”. And more than that. Life made me know myself, and I became myself, more than I ever thought possible.
If this loss is the cost, it is fair. But, if someone asked me to make a manual on how to trade what you think you have for what you really need, the only fair thing to say would be that, I have no fucking idea how this shit is done :D
I have chosen to follow my dreams and my visions, before anything else, because I want to die a free man. As free and as naked as I have been when I was born into my freedom – not to give up. Born out of pure love.
You know, sometimes the greatest teachers are those closest to you, and those who disguise themselves as the biggest ”betrayers”.. If you are the jewel to be polished, they just happen to be the ones polishing you..